Today, based on flows of the calendar - as in the Thursday before Thanksgiving (not actual same date), marks the one year mark of Jill finding the lump. We flew out to NYC that morning for a 4 day weekend that included seeing Notre Dame play in Yankee Stadium. We had to get up very early and by the time we were able to actually check in that afternoon, it was time for showers. Jill showered first and came out in her towel and told me to feel her breast. Mind you, in 20 years together it was the first time she told me do so. ;) There was quite obviously something. Of course the unimaginable diagnosis of cancer went quickly through our minds . . . you could see it in both our eyes. But we assumed it to be harmless and it really had only a small impact on our weekend. It barely came up in conversation between us outside of coordinating an appointment once we were back home. But I know we both thought about it.
It is odd how our brains work. In a place like NYC on a 4 day fall weekend, it is much easier to keep fears in the back of our minds. But during conversations or walks or whatever those 4 days, it of course popped in our minds. Had we been home it would have been probably all we thought about. I am thankful that we still had a great time in the big apple. We shopped. We ate. We saw shows. We had a great time. We assumed the lump was harmless and I would never change that. Us being more anxious that weekend would have done NOTHING to prevent or treat what was growing in Jill. In reality, having fun was the best thing we could be doing if we were not already getting treatment.
Today, a year later we had an appointment with the plastic surgeon. Just a prep type meeting that had little importance . . . but a reminder of where we have been and where we still are. That second part is something that is too easy to forget, which is both good and bad. I am thankful for every normal day when we are more stressed about who is getting girls on bus or traffic than cancer.
I will save more of the feelings and emotions for the anniversaries of the other stuff (semi official diagnosis, official diagnosis, first appt, etc).
