Sunday, December 12, 2010
Right now is kind of in between space
I cannot imagine what Jill is going through, but I know what it is like to be someone who loves her. Right now is a very odd in between space. I know what she has and the road that is coming, but on the flipside things are at times oddly normal. The days are normal enough right now that I slip back into normal life from time to time, even if briefly, and then bam - it hits me that my wife has cancer. Just stops me in my tracks, at least mentally. There is good and bad to this . . . good in that I am able to do some normal stuff (worry about work, deal with a sick kid, watch my fantasy football team in the playoffs) and bad that I simply do not know how to make sense of this duality. I know logically the best thing to do for me and my family is to carry on and keep things normal for the kids. I need to stay somewhat focused on work for a number of reasons (to keep my mentally involved in something, to support my family and so on). I need to enjoy things about every day life. But until Jill is cancer free, this will be part of our lives. Most waking moments.
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You hit the nail on the head Greg. The weird thing about cancer is usually you have no "symptoms, no one feels or looks sick at this stage. So even though you know there is something wrong, life for the most part seems fairly normal....it is all a mental thing. Then when treatent begins, the reality of it all settles in once again, and when you see the side effects, now you know someone is ill. There are SO many ups and downs.
ReplyDeleteJust do what you are doing and try to keep a normal balance as much as possible. But be aware that there is now a "New" normal in your life. Things will always be different from here on out and things will have a different perspective. Thinking of you guys all the time. We will see you Tuesday evening.